Bird Flew Strikes in Paris!!!

News Just in...

The 1st case of Bird Flu in a country that 'matters'....

New Bird Flew Preparations...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41921

Nothing to add... I just laughed!

if only the British Government was so forward thinking...

Damn those terrorists....

Not content with blowing themselves up, and speaking funny languages, those nasty terrorist types appear to have stuck again.

To protect the mothership - er I mean land... the Department of Homeland Security in the US has announced that trick or treaters will be subject to random bag searches...

Nice to see that they have their finger on the pulse... We should all be vigilant for 3'6" Osama Bin Laden types knocking on the door asking for candy, and threatening to blow up your neighbourhood skyscraper if a treat isn't forthcoming...

I hope they're on they're on their toes around christmas time too... On the look out for men dressed in funny clothes, with beards, leaving little packages...

It does make you wonder who are the ones really pushing the terror...

(Okay, it's a joke site, but 'real' funny news isn't quite so entertaining)
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41899

On a serious note...

It's six years to the day when my mum died...
Six years seems such a short time... since then I got married, had a son, and lots more besides... It seems a lifetime away, but I'm raising a glass to her tonight. She had suffered for a long time with Alzheimer's disease, and though it sounds a tad callous, the end was almost a relief.

She had been ill for a long time, while I was going through my 'formative' years, and the scars it left on my family I'm only starting to realise...

For a long time I struggled with having good memories of what she was like before she was struck down, but recently I had the most vivid recollection of a fancy dress costume she made for me when I was about 6. It was a brilliant design, and won me a prize at my school at easter.

Anyway, enough of my personal life... on with the fun and frivolity


Thanks for everything Marion... Cheers!

And you thought your Boss sucked…

DNA tests for getting gum on a director’s suit? I wonder if the same extremes would have been suggested if the tea boy’s 501’s had been affected?

But as it turns out, it was all a bit of a joke, until the press found out. Now he’s only considering a lie detector test to find out who spilled the corporate beans…

What was the company again? Oh yes, WStore UK… Now where do I send my CV again?

Is there a nomination for boss of the year?

Maybe he should get a Totally WStore Award for Teamwork

Or maybe a Committee for the Unification of Naturalistic Training award… aka the see you next Tuesdays...

(ok tenuous award names, but you get my point….)

(Full Story)

WILMA!!! YABBA DABBA DO…

Wilma was at one point the ( and I quote the BBC here) the most intense hurricane on record in the Atlantic.
But it seemed to come and go with little loss of life, at least when you compare it to the legacy of Katrina… Now straining hard against the chains of cynicism, I’m sure it was because Florida was lucky, built above sea level, or not surrounded by other water sources, but the thoughts ‘no large poor black population’, ‘governed by a certain Jeb Bush’ or (and I quote again) the fact that ‘President George W Bush signed an order declaring Florida a major disaster area and releasing federal money’

Maybe he learnt his lesson, but kinda figuring that he is a bit of a fuckwit that still struggles to learn his alphabet, maybe the family involvement, and that Florida is a desired retirement location for lots of well to do white Americans, oh, and don’t forget the tourism…

No, I’m far too cynical… I must have been God’s will to protect the area…(bleah….)

Bird Flew

I’m not sure why all the political types are getting so excited about this… after all birds flew first, ages ago… nothing new.
(Dodgy) humour out the way – for now… is bird flu the new terrorism threat to scare the masses? After all what better than a pliable panicky population to allow the odd dubious legislative sleight of hand?
‘Cynic’ I hear you cry… and I’m sure dear old Tony wouldn’t pull such a trick, but I do wonder about the wisdom of telling the sun ‘reading’ masses that 50k would die. Mind you, if the 50K were all sun ‘readers’, I’d say bring it on… in fact, lace the pages of the nations favourite comic with anything, and I won’t complain.
I remember the stories of grand parents, recalling the spirit that kept the country going in the face of nightly bombing by winged menaces from Europe, yet now we are being prepared by invasion by chickens…
Whatever happened to the Dunkirk spirit, where we ran with the best of them to avoid a kicking…
Bomb Romania and Turkey I say to save our own… and while your at it, France and most of London too ;)

Just kidding… I love everyone really…

Dead Kennedys

Dead Kennedys

Holiday in Cambodia, California Uber Alles… Too Drunk to Fuck… I’m sure you all remember the titles…

I happened across this gem of a band back in 1986…

And again in 2005. not really much of a symmetry there, but to be honest, the words Dead Kennedys and symmetry , or in their  latter years, honest, aren’t words that spring to a sentence either…

I just ‘re-discovered ‘ them in the way a drunk ‘re-discovers’ the bottle of meths that he had buried during his last ‘moment of clarity’

And they still taste great… both the DK’s and the meths (erm apparently…)

One of the best bands in the ‘You had to be there..’ kind of frame… just a shame one of the punk luminaries ended up in the courts they always seemed to hold in disrespect in their music…<sigh>

Tesco thinks of everything….

I went shopping tonight… just your usual quickie nip in and nip out again’ that the major brands like to emphasise… My problem was that I picked up the wrong basket… ‘My’ basket had obviously survived the 2003 shopping wars, and had the scars to show… Even when I picked it up, it felt all wrong… the usual balance wasn’t there, and I felt I lost time in the first three aisles…

When I got to the dog food section I realised my problem. The basket was essentially crippled, with the welding on one side on one of the handles loose and floating… (I’m only going into such detail for the potential of legal action…lol – see later)

In the effort of trying to help the said basket achieve it’s aim of being fit for the purpose it was provided for, I tried to rearrange the handle so that it would grasp an optimum point of contact again…

Then

OUCH!!

BLOOD

My knuckles were reduced to bloody pulps….

Cutting to the chase… I was quite prepared to lick my wounds, pay my bill and do my thang, but the powers that be determined that I should be treated,  documented and plastered before my leave… but not a sniff of discount!!

Now don’t get me wrong… I am a firm believer in Darwin and his evolutionary scheme of things, but IF such an horrific accident is brought to the attention of the staff of an excellent establishment such as Tescos (Sick)  surely one of their customer appeasement managers should have been in attendance?
I don’t like causing a fuss, especially when I have injured myself in worse ways without a scapegoat, but it’s just I kinda object to the nature of Tescos, a company that is one of the worst payers of suppliers in the UK, yet just announced record profits..

Well at least I got a plaster, and a nice Tescos blue one as well…and the staff were good… I don’t like complaining, but then again I don’t like monopolies either…

A New Poster!!

A New Poster!!
To the masses that read this 'cutting edge' blog, may I introduce a new contributer... Can I hear a big welcome to... Micheala (not a pain in the ass - so she assures me...)

Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish…

One of the lighter stories from the Katrina disaster is the report of killer dolphins.
Apparently, the US military had been training dolphins to take out swimming terrorists using a poison dart gun strapped to sea-going mammals, and some of these highly trained animals escaped as a consequence of the hurricane…

'My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire,' so says Leo Sheridan, 72, a respected accident investigator who has worked for government and industry…

‘Weeeee eeeek eeek eeek!’

‘What’s that flipper? Give you my windsurfer or you’ll pop a cap in my ass?’


http://observer.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,6903,1577753,00.html